Deviant, Defiant, Non-Compliant

Just a heads up, this post is only nominally about cosmetics, so if you're here for shiny polishes you might disappointed.

If you follow me on Twitter, you might have noticed I've put out a huge glut of new designs for my Etsy over the last week, but there are two that  I wanted to talk about, because they really mean quite a lot to me. They're the distillation of a lot of thoughts I've been having about feminism, and generally the experience of being a woman, These designs were specifically inspired by a dear friend who despite being much younger than me, inspires me every day.

Deviant!

This is the first design I want to talk about - a fairly simple one, just a cute little banner that says "Deviant" over my signature indie polish background. (If you're interested, the polish is a discontinued one from Darling Diva called Erotic City) But the meanings I think you can take from this simple word are rather complex.

Women's behavior, and in particular women's sexuality, has always been a minefield of do's and don't. So many unspoken, invisible walls around every action, and stepping over these lines, even if we didn't know they were there until we'd crossed them, defines us as "deviant".

George Romney - Lady Hamilton as Medea

This idea that women's sexual pleasure is something bad or wrong can be traced back all the way to the Greeks, where "good" noble Greek women were expected to be matronly and chaste. Kept cloistered until they were married as young virgins, they were expected to produce heirs but the idea of women actually enjoying the process was unheard of. Women in mythology who succumbed to passion were deemed "evil" (See Medea, among many other examples), and women in society who were caught committing adultery were entirely excommunicated from Greek society, unable to even attend sacrifices. At the same time male sexuality, while nominally expected to be enjoyed in moderation, was allowed rather more leeway for expression.

The Victorian Era was famously repressive of sexuality, but again rather more so of female sexuality than male. The only orgasm a Victorian woman could expect was at the hands of a doctor should she be diagnosed with "hysteria" - a practice which, on the upside, brought us the basis for the modern vibrator.

Even now, after the Sexual Revolution of the 60's, female sexuality is still widely expected to come second to male sexuality. Women's magazines are full of tips to enjoy sex more, but the number of tips devoted to his pleasure rather than hers underlines the idea that women's enjoyment should never come at the cost of male enjoyment. Women are now largely taught that being sexual is okay - thank goodness - but there still remains the idea that there is such a thing as being TOO sexual. Have sex, but not too much. Explore the dating landscape, but don't sleep with too many people. Get kinky every now and then, but only in a way that straight men find hot.

Graphic by Definatalie

But it's not just our sexuality that gets women labelled as "deviant" - if I've learned anything from the Fat Acceptance movement it's how horrifying some people find the idea of women simply being larger than is "acceptable". Don't even get me started on the endless struggle that is trying to enact the simple idea of "No Diet Talk" in the average office. Now THERE'S a deviant concept.
Speaking of talking, even though women talk almost the exact same amount as men in everyday settings, we're still labelled chatterboxes, gossips, and nags. Hell, even a woman daring to be taller than the average man can get some people clutching their pearls in horror that a dainty, delicate woman could dare to take up so much space.

All these unspoken, invisible walls, trying to hem women into a tiny little box of "acceptable." Acceptably sized, acceptably quiet, acceptably sexual, and acceptably small. Well balls to that.

Defiant!

And that's where this second design comes in. (For the polish nerds, the background I used for this is Exhilaration from Powder Perfect) As much as I would like to encourage every woman to trample the invisible maze that surrounds us with reckless abandon, I can't. There are consequences still to being deviant. In the awesome comic Bitch Planet, women deemed "non compliant" are disappeared to a prison planet for the rest of their lives - while we're not quite there yet, the fact that there are consequences for non-compliance is undeniable. In an example from my own life, politely asking my co-workers not to comment on what I was or was not having for lunch led to complaints to management about my "attitude". Bigger actions can lead to bigger consequences.

I really can't recommend Bitch Planet enough. Make sure to view this full size to see the wonderful fake ads!

But it's not hopeless! There are things you can do, things you can say, every day to try and push at those walls that surround us. It can be as simple as ignoring that socially implanted voice in your head that tells you to shush at parties, because you don't want to be seen as the loud, deviant woman.
Try not to be ashamed of your sexuality - there's no such thing as too sexual, and so long as all parties are consenting adults no kink is too weird. There are great groups out there like Twisted Sisters in Sydney who are more than happy to help you find your way!

There are things you can do that don't even require talking to other people! Read awesome female created comics like Bitch Planet, and  Lumberjanes, and Gotham Academy;go see awesome female directed movies like A Girl Walks Home Alone At Night. Buy from indie jewelers doing cool subversive things like Fancy Lady Industries! Support female creators doing cool stuff with your money, and help them to say the things you feel you can't say!

So how about you, dear readers? Are you deviant and/or defiant? What are things you do to show your defiance, big or small?

A Beginners Guide to Indie Polish Part 2

Last time I had good long ramble about the things I think you should know before you get into the woinderful, sparkly world of indie nail polish. Today I want to go through what to do when good polish turns out to be, in fact, bad.

Fuck you FEMENS

I’ve been involved in a couple of heated debates about emerging radical feminist group FEMENS recently. In case you’ve missed all the excitement, FEMENS is a group that started in the Ukraine as far as I understand, and has now spread to several countries in Europe, as well as smatterings of support across the world. Their goals come often across as pretty nebulous and broad – this might be a result of my inability to read any languages other than English, but even giving credit for that their aims are pretty pie-in-the-sky stuff. Smash patriarchy, reform the world, feminist revolution, yada yada, ending, one presumes, in the hallowed feminist utopia. Their main tactic for getting this message across seems to be taking their tops off and writing slogans across their chest, preferably while giving the finger – this is the part I actually have no issue with, and what I’ve spent the most time defending. FEMENS has justified their use of nudity to make their point with the argument that not all nudity is inherently sexual, and by going topless in a confronting, non-sexual way they are attempting to undermine the patriarchal assumption that breasts exist purely for their gratification. I think this is an interesting point to be making, particularly since most of the protesters are protesting against an Islamic social structure, where policing of women's bodies is much more apparent on a practical, everyday level than say, Australia.

FEMENS recently hit the social media headlines when a Tunisian member named Amina was disappeared, after posting a topless picture to the net, and this is how they came to my attention. You can read more about it here, but the general gist is that she was admitted to a psych ward against her will for her political beliefs, and hasn’t been reliably heard from since, which is all kinds of fucked up. Naturally there has been a great deal of rage going around about this and various groups are currently attempting to apply pressure to the Tunisian authorities to let her go. Because this is the issue that brought FEMENS to my attention, I’ve been arguing in favour of their actions, and their right to protest however they see fit. I’m personally not convinced widespread toplessness is going to create a tidal wave of social change, but I will absolutely defend their right to do it without being arrested, disappeared, or executed.

I AM A Feminist - In My Head

I would say I hate to get ranty, but that would be a lie. This particular rant however has been boiling for a while, and due to a deluge of infuriating comments in the press lately (paging Carla Bruni, among others) I can no longer hold back.

When I see women in positions of power that wouldn't have been available to them without feminism say publicly that they're "not feminist", I want to kick them in the ovaries.

Not very PC, not very understanding, I know. I try to be tolerant, I really do. But when I hear people say things like, "We don't need feminism anymore", or ""I'm not REALLY a feminist," I want to kick them so hard their stupid eyes pop OUT OF THEIR STUPID HEADS.

*takes a deep breath*

Alright, now I've got that out of my system, I'll try and be reasonable.

The original soundbite that started what is now a frothing volcano of rage was from the newly appointed  Yahoo CEO, Marissa Mayer. When she was appointed to such a rich, influential company, obviously this was big news. Hoorah for feminism, some people said! We worked so hard, and now there is at least one woman in a position of economic power! Sure, there should be more, but hey, it's one, and that's awesome. Naturally, people asked Mayer about her opinion of the political movement that created an environment in which her appointment was actually possible. She said;


"I don't think that I would consider myself a feminist. I think that I certainly believe in equal rights, I believe that women are just as capable, if not more so in a lot of different dimensions, but I don't, I think have, sort of, the militant drive and the sort of, the chip on the shoulder that sometimes comes with that. And I think it's too bad, but I do think that feminism has become in many ways a more negative word. You know, there are amazing opportunities all over the world for women, and I think that there is more good that comes out of positive energy around that than comes out of negative energy."

I just...I have so many problems with this. 

Firstly, being so dismissive of the efforts of all the feminists before her that made her current position possible reeks to me of the dropkick partner who gets you to support them through university, then dumps you as soon as they graduate. It's a shitty, shitty thing to do. 

Now, let's try and wrap our heads around this logical fallacy here - "I don't think that I would consider myself a feminist. I think that I certainly believe in equal rights, I believe that women are just as capable, if not more so in a lot of different dimensions". So, you think women should have the same rights as men, and are just as capable as men, but you're not a feminist?

Mayer is hardly alone in her bizarre doublethink experiments though. Katy Perry proudly declared, ""I am not a feminist, but I do believe in the strength of women," while receiving an award for Woman of the Year. 

Just let that sink in for a minute. She said this ridiculous thing that totally dismisses the entire women's rights movement, while receiving an award. For Woman of the Year.

Here's a little shock for you both....YOU ARE  FEMINISTS.You think women are strong? You think women are capable? You think women should have the same opportunities as men? To quote Caitlin Moran, "What do you think feminism IS, ladies?"

Mayer's (and others) dismissal of the entirety of feminism because there are parts of it she doesn't agree with is an attitude I've come across all too often, and it infuriates me beyond belief. I understand why some people are unhappy with aspects of present-day feminism, I really do. There are a lot of problems. There are transphobic elements, which I find awful. There is a lot of dismissal of issues relating to women of colour, and poor women, all sorts of women who aren't white and middle class. And I absolutely agree this sucks. It sucks big sweaty donkey balls, and I don't agree with the people who support these opinions. But as someone who identifies as both poly and queer, hating the people who are supposed to be on "my side" is a dilemma I am familiar with. 

The poly and queer movements are enormously diverse, despite both being built on a relatively simple premise. Queer people like playing with people who may or may not be the same gender as them (or any specific gender at all) and poly people like playing with more than one person as a time. Simple. Only it's not. There are people who try and preach that anyone who is monogamous is "unenlightened" or just not as "evolved" as poly folk, and I find this attitude so self centered and patronizing it makes me sick. There are queer people who have called all bisexual women "vectors" (as in vectors for disease) to my face. I'm sure you can imagine how sick this made me feel.There are poly people who insist if you have any rules at all in your relationships, you're "chaining" people's souls, and I think this is a wholly unreasonable expectation to place on people. There are queer people who think being attracted to someone of the opposite gender is a betrayal of your identity and your fellow queers, and I think this is nonsense.

But I'm still poly. I believe in having the opportunity to pursue more than one romantic partner if I choose to. I'm still queer. I still really like playing with women, and it's important to me to have the opportunity to do so.

So what do *I* do, when faced with a cause I believe in that happens to have attracted some people I really don't agree with? Unfortunately, in the case of these two groups, I backed out. I stopped going to any poly or queer events, and I more or less removed myself from the whole community. But you know what? This was the wrong thing to do, and I was wrong to do it. And if you do the same with feminism, you're wrong too. Yes, there are people in the feminism movement who believe that all heterosexual sex is rape - I do not. There are those that believe all men should be killed off - given that I am currently living with a man, it's pretty clear I don't agree with this either. But feminism is too important to throw the baby out with the bathwater. If you don't agree, speak up. If what you see being portrayed as feminism isn't something you want to be a part of, MAKE it something you want to be a part of. If you don't like the negative connotations that "feminism" as a word has, goddamit, take it back! If people use "feminist" as an insult around you, tell them bloody well not to. If you don't feel like feminism is diverse enough, or that your kind of feminism isn't being represented, wade on in, plant your feet, and be a part of it. Nothing will get done if we all worm away from the core idea - that women deserve the same rights, power, and influence as men - because we don't like every little part of what everyone in the movement says or believes. It's just too fucking important.

We can't let this word be taken away from us. Words have power, words shape actions and thoughts, and if we have no word for feminism, it will have no form. It will have no voice. And it will be forgotten.

Can Makeup be Feminist? - In My Head

I came across this fascinating post, that expresses quite a lot of my own sentiments quite eloquently.
I was particularly impressed by this part;

"Now, don't get me wrong. I am not trying to argue that no women should ever wear makeup. I realize that a big part of navigating our way through a patriarchal world involves choosing our battles. It's not the makeup itself I have a problem with. There's nothing inherently oppressive about cosmetics. It's the fact that makeup (along with thinness, hairless bodies, smooth skin, styled hair, fitted clothing, shorter clothing, low-cut clothing, accessories, purses, uncomfortable shoes, etc.) are considered a requirement for women. These are all components of an entrenched system of compulsory femininity for those members of our society who are born without penises."

As I said in my opening rant, feminist=choice for me, always and forever. If you want to wear makeup, wear makeup. If you don't want to, don't. In my idea of an ideal world, it wouldn't make any difference to the way you are perceived. As this blogger points out, there is nothing inherently oppressive about makeup - it's just powders and liquids and chemicals. They are inert. But I do think it's important to be aware of the context in which we use these things, and the contribution that makes to the experience of women as a whole.

There are certain things I do in terms of personal grooming that are very deliberate choices in order to not only contribute to my own comfort, but the comfort of other women.

I shave my legs sometimes, mostly for work, because your average office is not part of my ideal feminist utopia. People will judge me on whether or not I conform to societal ideas of good grooming, and while I wish this wasn't so, I don't feel like I would be proving anything by being unemployed.
But all winter, I don't touch the damn things. I'm lazy, and I hate doing it, and the fur keeps my legs warm, and I live in pants or long socks all winter anyway. Plus, is it just me or are other people capable of shaving the backs of them without cutting yourself? Because I'm really not. I always end up running out the door with a super classy little trickle of blood slowly trailing into my shoes...okay, maybe that part IS just me. So anwyay, by allowing my leg hair it's freedom, I'm contributing to my own comfort.
But I also feel, in some small way, by exposing my boyfriend and my friend and all the people who see my furry legs to the idea that it's not so horrific for a woman to have hair on her legs that I am making a space for other women to make that choice if they want to. I feel like I'm contributing in my own little way to normalising a range of choices for women, by presenting an alternative.

The same thing applies to my pubic hair - sometimes I get it into my head to go and get it all off, because it feels nice and it's an interesting change. But if anyone was to ever try and tell me I didn't have the choice to grow it back again, they would get a faceful of rage. A lot of the time, I refuse to acknowledge the ridiculous notion that pubic hair is gross and somehow "dirty", and I leave it how it's more comfortable for me - totally untouched. Not only is it obviously less work to maintain, and you don't get any nasty little ingrown hairs (which, unlike natural pubes ARE genuinely gross) but I actually really dig playing with the tufts. There's something deeply comforting about wrapping it around your fingers - something like how I imagine holding your balls is for guys. But I also feel that by exposing the people I sleep with to a natural bush, I am little by little exposing people to the idea that's actually okay, and thereby creating a space where other women have the same choice.

HOWEVER.

I also don't think the women who DO choose to subscribe to these habits for whatever reasons of their own are directly contributing to the ongoing patriarchal oppression. If they do it because it makes them happy, and comfortable, then whatever, it's none of my fucking business. If they're doing it because they feel like they're not attractive unless they do, I feel sad that they don't like themselves more. But making them feel bad about "giving in to oppression" and shaving their legs isn't going to make them feel any better, to my mind. 
At the end of the post I referenced here, there was an anon comment that I thought was quite sad.

"Ugh! I am so sick of these internet articles that discuss feminism but never give a conclusion! It's like 'Here's our patriarchal problem, but sorry, we don't have an answer for you. Just keep being miserable and confused. Cool.' I need answers! Insight! Something!"

As usual,someone more eloquent than me has gone and expressed my answer to this plea for insight for me.

"The point of feminism isn’t to proclaim how women should be. In fact, that’s the opposite of feminism. Feminism is about people choosing for themselves, without societal, familial or any other pressures getting in the way."
 
This is my conclusion - do what makes you happy. If you want to wear makeup, wear it. If you don't, don't. Shave your legs, shave your pubes, shave your hair. It's your body, and you have every right to wear it however you want.
If we all make an effort to unpack our motivations, and then stand by what truly makes us happy, then we open up choices for everyone. Which sounds pretty feminist to me.