Optional Highlights: Why Can't We Choose The Face That Fits?

There's been a little flurry of discussion in the last week on the "makeup-free" and "natural beauty" movements in the last week - my blogging hero Autumn Whitefield-Madrano from The Beheld was over at HuffPost Live sharing some insightful thoughts on the matter, and my journalism hero Clementine Ford has been talking about the same issue over at Daily Life. I'm not really sure what's really blown it up on this particular occassion, but it's been an ongoing discussion in lots of feminist circles for a really, really long time now.

Makeup Free Mondays over on The Beauty Bean

Confessions of A Fat Girl

There is a book sitting somewhere in my lounge room right now - a friend kindly gave it to me because they remembered I'd been looking for it, and I took it home and promptly tried to forget I had it.

You see, it's a diet book.

The imprint from a wonderful badge made by the very talented Fancy Lady Industries

Yes, you read that right. I own a diet book. I was actively looking for a diet book. I have actually been expending time and effort researching different diets, and had decided the CSIRO Total Wellbeing Diet looked like it was worth a go. It's not really a DIET per se, I told myself. It's a healthy eating plan. It's not about losing weight, it's about feeling better and being healthier and maybe building my immune system up so I don't get every fucking cold going around. It's not about conforming to societal standards, I told myself. It's about helping my body work better. I mean, this diet is all scientific and shit! It's serious business, not like those trendy fad diets. It's a "smart person's" diet.

But still, the book remains in my loungeroom somewhere, untouched. You see, diet is a very complicated word for me. 

It's time for justice: violence against sex workers needs to stop

This post is going to be about some grim, violent, and possibly triggering stuff. I'm also going to be talking about the sex industry, but I promise not to put in any NSFW pictures.

Some horrible shit has gone down in the last fortnight or so, but today I want to talk about the recent spate of violence against sex workers that has sparked an International Day of Protests set for the 19th of July. These protests are attempting to at least draw attention to, if not change, a culture of stigma and silence that still hangs over sex work; a culture that makes sex workers ideal targets for violence, because even if caught the perpetrators are unlikely to be prosecuted as severely as if they hurt someone who isn't a sex worker.

Image courtesy of Gender Across Borders

Don't Owe You A Thang

This is one of those super serious posts I do every once in a while - if you're triggered by mentions of sexual violence, or violence in general, especially against trans people, you're probably going to want to give this one a miss. I try to stay away from topics that I think will be too upsetting for too many people, but in this instance it's precisely because the whole thing is so upsetting that I feel the need to write it.

I want to talk about trans* people, and how cisgendered people treat them.

You might not be familiar with these terms, so let me do some quick definitions for you. I like to use the term trans*, because the asterisk indicates it refers to a wide variety of identities under the "trans umbrella".

 

Conscientious Objector In The Weight Wars

I was actually tossing this topic around in my head for some time, trying to decide if I had anything to say that hadn't already been said. There is almost as many words out there on women's weight and associated issues as there are actual women, and I wasn't sure that my point of view was something that really needed to be added. However, when I put the word out on Twitter and Facebook that I was looking for input, the response was pretty overwhelming - which at the very least convinced me this is something that DOES actually need to be written. I've tried to wrestle as much of it into a post as possible, but it's a huge subject to try and condense down. I described writing this as being like wrestling with a kraken made of feels, and now it's done, I totally stand by that. But really, the core of what I'm trying to say is simply this; how about we women try being kinder to each other about our bodies, and save the vitriol for the institutions that actually contribute to making our lives harder?

The Good, The Bad, and the Horrific of Customer Service

The basic principles of customer service always seemed to be pretty straightforward to me, but it's become pretty clear to me lately that a lot  of companies just don't have the first clue how to treat customers in such a way that they are actually likely to return willingly. I find it hard to believe so many businesses employ people who have no interest or ability to treat customers pleasantly - that just doesn't make sense to me. There can't possibly be that many clueless people in the world. The alternative is that a lot of businesses are actively turning away and discouraging potential and current customers because they're not the kind of customers they want, for whatever reason. Maybe they're too fat, or too poor, or too black, or too gender ambiguous. Whatever the reasons, this is a completely ludicicrous business model. The global marketplace is packed with alternatives to whatever you happen to be selling, and it's getting more crowded by the day. The ability to sell things online has made the number of potential businesses in any given marketplace virtually limitless, and I've heard a lot of brick and mortar storefront companies complaining that this is ruining their businesses. In my opinion, this is complete nonsense. Online stores are only taking business away from brick and mortar stores because they've been treating their customers so badly for so long that customers are fleeing now they have a choice about it. Sure, you have to wait ages for stuff ordered online, and you can't try it on, and sometimes it's not at all what you thought it would be like - and STILL customers are fleeing brick and mortar stores. The way they treat a lot of their customers has been SO BAD that all the downsides of online shopping are still preferable. When the prices are higher, and the hours you can shop there are restricted, pretty much the only upside that brick and mortar stores have over online stores is the immediacy of the purchase, and face to face customer service. But it seems a lot of them can't even get that right, even though it's almost all they have to draw in business.

Actions Versus Advertising

Some people that I know who run small businesses had some interesting feedback on my last post about "friendship" marketing, or as the ever witty Autumn at The Beheld dubbed it, "Slumber Party Marketing", where large companies attempt to market to consumers as if they are really your friends, and try to give you the impression they care more about your happiness than what you buy. The global marketplace is so crowded these days that just having a good product isn't nearly enough to get you the attention of consumers. If you want to sell people things, one of the most effective ways is to get them emotionally invested in your company and your products; and the most effective way to do that for both large and small businesses is to convince consumers you care about them.

We are legion, and we care about you.

Edward Furlong comes to Sydney...or not.

For those of you outside Australia, Supanova is about the closest equivalent we have to the San Diego ComicCon. It's nowhere near as big, and has nowhere near as many stars, but we're essentially an island in the middle of nowhere, so we take what we can get. I personally LOVE going to Supanova - I've been faithfully every time it hit Sydney for about four years now, and have had a ton of fun every time, especially with the cosplayers.

Every year I promise myself I'll get organised earlier, and every year I fail miserably. I realise the con is on the weekend before, and have to scramble to get my crap together. But not this year! THIS year I managed to remember to not only get my cosplay planned out ahead of time (I haven't started on it yet - let's be serious) but also check the guests and the date for the Sydney show MONTHS ahead of time.

While doing this research, I discovered that Edward Furlong was among the guests for the Sydney leg of  Supanova. I remember thinking, "Hunh, I didn't know he was still around," and promptly forgetting about it until the organisers announced this week that he wouldn't be able to make it "given the news of recent times." I had no idea what this recent news was, so I did a quick Google. Turns out Edward Furlong can't make the con because he's going to jail. For violating his probation. For domestic violence. And despite the judge taking into account his long standing issues with addiction to drugs and alcohol and offering him a stint in rehab, he chose jail instead.

More Than Meets The Eye

I spent most of my twenties wondering what the big deal about feminism was – the people I associated with all agreed with it's basic principles so firmly that even discussing it felt like a waste of time. I felt like I had plenty of power – but looking back there were so many things that I took for granted as just part of being a woman. If I was out in the city by myself late at night, I would wear spiked collars and big boots, just in case. When a taxi driver refused to let me out of his cab until I gave him my phone number, I laughed it off as just a weird thing that happened. When my partners pushed the boundaries of my consent, I assumed it was my fault for leading them on, and just something that happened to women. But it was working reception in the sex industry that showed me what it's like to have tangible, real power, and now I've left the industry, I don't know how to deal without it.

Because of the social circles I was hanging out in at the time, when I was once again out of a job and someone suggested I try reception at a massage parlor, it didn't seem like a big deal – just another job. I could answer a phone, and take money. Why not? There was no stigma attached to the industry in my little bubble. A bunch of people I knew were either current or former sex workers in various capacities, and others had done the reception thing. I was intrigued by the idea of getting a glimpse into such a “secret” side of my city. I'm the kind of person that can't help peering into open windows when I'm out walking at night, so the idea of being PAID to peer into people's private lives was too good to pass up. While I thought I knew what I was getting in to, I would be lying if I said there weren't challenging moments. I remember the first time I sent a girl upstairs with a client, and the horrible confusion that gripped me about whether I was doing the right thing or not. I remember having to tell a client to put his flaccid cock away THREE times while I was trying to talk to him, because apparently he couldn't listen without one hand on it. I remember going into the introduction room to fill up the tissues, and discovering someone had vomited into a glass bowl of mints and then put the lid back on. I remember the first time I put my hand in a puddle of a strangers cold semen while doing the laundry, and how hard I scrubbed down my entire arm afterwards. But most of all, I remember the feeling of power.

Don't Be That Guy

A friend linked me over this most fascinating blog, Radio Liberty Earth. In between the usual ramblings of every Men's Rights Activist Blog I've come across so far was this little gem, entitled; Is This Rape. The post is in response to a snippet from a newspaper where a 16 year old girl writes in and explains that despite telling her 19 year old boyfriend she didn't want to "go all the way", after they had been making out for a while they "ended up" having sex. The girl then asks the advice columnist if this is rape.Unsurprisingly, in the opinion of the self proclaimed Men's Rights Activist behind Radio Liberty Earth this is not rape. Of course, reading his defense of the rapist in this case makes it  pretty clear his definition of rape is a great deal narrower than mine, or indeed the laws.

The advice column in question

The Teenage Guide To Popularity

Popularity has been the Holy Grail of teenagers everywhere for as long as there have been teenagers. While we like to think the world has moved on socially (at least a little bit) since the time of bobby socks and poodle skirts for all, I personally think that when it comes to social interaction teenagers are being sold the same garbage they were 70 years ago. It can more or less be summarised like so;

Above all, dress “nicely” and be visually appealing.
Be confident, but don’t draw attention to yourself.
Be nice, be pleasant, all the time. Boys don't like "moody" girls.
Never, never do anything anyone could interpret as slutty or scandalous.

Any of this sound familiar? I’d be shocked if you’d never heard any of this advice before.

I want to use this topic to introduce you to one of my favourite underrated sites on the net - The Prelinger Archives – there is hours and hours of fascinating (largely hilarious) footage to be found within it’s poorly coded shell. It’s part of the broader Internet Archive, a project that is attempting to archive as much media as possible in one location, presumably for future generations. The Prelinger Archives are specifically “educational” films that date from the early 30’s to the early 70’s, and cover an astonishing variety of topics. There is one that shows an actual unsimulated birth that I am particularly fond of (it’s called “Sudden Birth!” and the birth sure is sudden) but the one I want to talk about today is simply titled. “Are You Popular?” Because all the material on the Prelinger Archives is public domain (or creative commons licensed) a lot of the videos have been copied over to YouTube and the likes. However I'm going to link you to the original source because I think it's an awesome project. Before we go on with our discussion of teenage popularity through the ages, take five minutes or so to sit down and let this gem soak right in.

Be Who You Wanna Be

I know I'm a million years late to this party in Internet time, but I realised in a conversation the other day that some people managed to miss this particularly revolting attack on trans women by noted columnist Julie Birchall, and moreover that some women were unaware of the trans* hate harbored by many prominent feminists for a long time now. (Incidentally, the link I put in there to the original Guardian article goes to a cache of the column, which was pulled down a couple of days after publication. I am constantly amused by publications that don't seem to understand that once you publish something, it's out there FOREVER. There are no backsies on the internet) I figure while there are still some people who don't know about this, then there are still things to say. It's especially pertinent to be putting this up considering the RadFem 2013 conference is starting soon - while I am feminist it's pretty safe to say Radical Feminism and I don't have a lot of common ground. Quite apart from my opinion of their aim of achieving a feminist utopia, two of their principle "enemies" are sex workers and trans* people, and I'm not super comfortable with feminists who hate on my friends. In the coming days and weeks a lot of the radical anti-trans feminists will be saying their piece, so it seemed a good time to share mine.

The Wayback Machine is BRILLIANT

Birchall's column made me furious, and sick to my stomach. The things she said about trans women were just inexcusable - I don't care if she felt like the trans community was bullying her friend, calling your alleged enemies "bedwetters in bad wigs" is just disgusting, not to mention really poor form from an alleged journalist. It's easy to dismiss this column as tabloid click bait (saying something awful just to get page views) and this is undeniably part of the motivation for it being published. But it's not just Birchall who feels like this about trans women - not by a long shot.

Not My Circus, Not My Monkeys

There are a lot of people out there who are really keen to tell women what to do with their bodies. On the whole, the feminist mainstream is pretty against this. A male morning TV host in Victoria decided to announcehow inappropriate breastfeeding in public is, and how this shameful thing should be hidden away – Twitter was on fire for two days, and the blogosphere went crazy with disgust for his arrogance at presuming to tell women how to deal with babies. Rightly so, mind you. The guy was clearly trolling, but that doesn’t mean he didn’t deserve every bit of vitriol he got. Yesterday, a poor radio host got named , shamed, and forced to apologise publicly for daring to make her own decisions as to whether she was going to smoke or not while pregnant, as if her body belongs to the public domain now she’s incubating. Rightfully, feminist commentators were all over this too. The question isn’t whether smoking is harmful to babies, or whether breastfeeding is distasteful – the issue at stake other people’s apparent right to comment on what women choose to do with their bodies. In short, if  it’s not your baby, if it’s not your body, then I firmly believe you should shut up. As the Polish apparently say, Nie mój cyrk, nie moje małpy – not my circus, not my monkeys. (thanks for the edit, dear readers) If you’re not carrying it, if you don’t live in it, you can be quiet now. It’s disgraceful that these situations even come up anymore – I am constantly baffled by how many legislators and commentators think it’s perfectly okay to cast judgement on people’s choices without consulting the people affected in any way. And mostly, mainstream feminism is on my side. 

Not your monkey

 But sometimes, I get all over-excited and say something like, “Fuck those legislators trying to tell women what to do with their bodies! It’s just like people who’ve never been in the sex industry telling sex workers what they should be doing with their bodies!”

And suddenly, there’s silence.

Fat Money $pends

Just a little update today - I've been busy putting together a bunch of upcoming articles for other sites, which is still an idea I find so entertaining. I started this blog because I didn't think anyone else would publish my opinions, but it just keeps happening! Hilarious.

Image courtesy of Domino Dollhouse

Today's link is an opinion piece I bashed out with my ranty pants on for The Closet Feminist, who are a fantastic Canadian feminist fashion blog. I really dig what they're doing, and this article has been quite popular so far, so I'd be interested to hear what y'all think. It's about trying to shop in brick and mortar stores when you have a plus sized body, and how it's incredibly frustrating - Fat Money $pends

Fuck your Femme Passivity

One of the reasons I stayed away from all things femme for so long was because of the percieved association of femme and weakness, passivity, standing back and letting things happen. I am not that sort of girl - I never have been. There is a t-shirt sold by T Shirt Hell that says, "If I had balls, they would be bigger than yours", and it was one of my favourite things to wear out for a long time. I assumed (because I didn't know any better) that if I started getting interested in being pretty, getting my nails did, all that junk, that I would have to give up being a bad ass. As it turns out, I was totally wrong, and I am so fucking happy about that. But every now and then something turns up that reminds me why I made those assumptions in the first place.

I don't really do Tumblr. I don't understand it, I don't understand what it's FOR, and that annoys me, so I generally keep away from it - although there is now a Reluctant Femme tumblr, just so I have somewhere to push all these posts and my Instagram pictures into the same stream. This distrust/disinterest in Tumblr means I missed the kerfuffle around this particular musician, who used to go by Kitty Pryde but is now apparently just Kitty, because this is meant to make people take her more seriously. Let's have a look at one of her clips and have a little talk about why she pisses me the fuck off.

Lady of The Lake - A England Review

One of the things I love the most about mythology and folklore is the way they illustrate just how pervasive and incredibly old a lot of archetypes and tropes are, particularly in relation to women. I know rather more than I really should about all sorts of different folklore, and one of my favourite things to do with this knowledge is to find patterns that can be seen across different cultures. I have a confession to make though - I've always shied away from the Arthurian legends. They're just so....messy. The lore is made up of poems, and stories, and songs, and all of them have so many different versions that it's really more like a genre than a narrative as such. I can rattle off Swedish lore about women who turn into birch trees, but until recently I couldn't have confidently named more than three characters in the Arthurian stories, and one of them was King Arthur. Which is a bit sad, considering my entire family on my mothers side are so utterly English it's hard to believe they're real.

However, once I came across marvelous indie nail polish maker A England, I decided I was obviously going to have to do some research in order to do these gorgeous polishes justice. I know you all like the pretty pictures, but I know you like the wordy parts as well, and I would feel bad showing something so lovely and not knowing anything about the characters they are named for.

So today, we're going to learn about The Lady of The Lake, in between pictures of this stunningly soft lavender holographic polish. If you're just here to find out whether it's any good or not, the TL:DR version is that is very, very good. It's beautiful, easy to use, and wears for ages, and you should totally go and buy it.

Fix It, Feminism!

I’ve been listening to an interesting discussion of late. Several people have brought up the idea that they feel like the fact they have self esteem issues and that they are also a feminist is somehow inherently contradictory. That feminism should have somehow “fixed” these feelings. That if they are feminist and still hate the size of their ass, that somehow either feminism has failed them, or that they are doing feminism wrong. When I hear the phrase, “being a feminist isn’t helping me to love my body”, I can’t help but wonder who exactly promised them it would? I mean, it might. There is a good chance that it will. But it’s certainly not guaranteed, and I don’t think feminism can be blamed if it doesn’t. If you still feel fat after learning a bunch about feminist theory, you’re not doing “doing it wrong”- you’re a human being. Believe it or not, I don’t think there is anyone, male or female, who has NEVER had a day where they look in the mirror and sigh. Self consciousness, anxiety, these are feelings. Feminist theory is rational thought, a school of philosophy. Rational thought can HELP you change the way you feel, but there is no thought so rational that it can banish deep seated feelings and emotional responses by mere application. Feminism will not fix all your problems. 

Organic My Ass - Part 1

Rejoice science geeks, it's another exciting installment of Show Your Working! Today we'll be looking at the increasingly valuable label "organic", and what it actually means it terms of cosmetics.

(spoiler alert: very little)

I'll be doing this in two sections, one for Australia and one for the US, because the relevant legislation is quite different, and putting it together would turn this into a Masters essay rather than a blog post.

Before we really get into the nitty gritty, I just want to put it out there that I don't actually give a damn if something is organic or not, so please don't try and start a comment war on the pros and cons. I just...I don't care. I know, I know, I should, and it's probably better for me, but honestly when you have as many allergies as me, adding extra restrictions to what you consume is just more effort than I have in me. (In case you were wondering, my complete list of allergies is currently dairy, gluten, alcohol, peanuts, seafood, aspartame and related fake sugars) Also, I smoke, for heavens sake. Unless I quit sucking in noxious chemicals five times a day, the amount of parabens in my mascara is pretty moot.

BUT I know that it's really important to other people - people like David Lynch, who made a brilliant ad for his signature coffee blend, in which he points out several times that it's both organic and fairly traded. It's also incredibly creepy.

Because I'm a much less compassionate person than I should be, every time I hear someone ask if something is fairly traded, I can't help but hear it in Lynch's weird Barbie voice, and then I can't possibly take them seriously anymore.

However, something that I DO care about rather a lot is truth in advertising. I was enormously pleased to see Estee Lauder coming up against a class action for using misleading claims on their Clinique products, and I wish that sort of thing happened more often. Pseudo science claims like the kind used by Physicians Formula for their "happy blush" make me so angry I virtually froth at the mouth. Way back in the way back times I used to be part of the marketing industry, and one of the reasons I would never go back is the incredible amount of dishonesty involved in the way products are marketed.

EUPHORYL(TM) IS NOT A REAL THING. The marketing department MADE IT UP.

So, You Have To Wear Makeup - Part 4

In which we take some advice from Vanilla Ice, and try to sum up what we have learned.

Stop, Collaborate and Listen

Flavia Dzodan once famously said on the fantastic blog Tiger Beatdown, "My feminism will be intersectional, or it will be bullshit."  In this context, she was talking about ensuring we include women of colour, trans women, poor women, women with a disability, non-neurotypical* women, all marginalised groups of women in feminism. But I propose we not only do this, but make the goal even broader still. We need to take the ultimate challenge and decide to include not only all these groups, but one more challenging still - people who disagree with us.

Photo by Pinti 1 on Flickr

Sometimes I feel like I’ve always been in the middle. I’m not gay or straight, but queer. I grew up in a household that was poor, but not destitute. I’m fatter than average, but not huge. My blog is very young yet, but it's already an odd creature, and very representative of my perpetual  view from the middle. There are entries showing off a pretty nail polish I bought next to posts discussing the sexist standards of appearance required of women in job interviews. There's a bit of shameless superficiality, a bit of serious philosophical pondering. It's like me - not any one thing, but pieces of many things loosely bound together. While this means it's not as popular as it could be if I just chose a side and stuck with it, I like it the way it is, because I think the middle ground has been too silent for too long, and I want that to change.

Twitter is an infophile's best friend

 
I got a comment  on my first “So, You Have To Wear Makeup” post, saying that reader had never worn makeup to an interview and had never had a problem. Being the nerdy little infophile I am, I decided to collect some anecdata, because this was totally contrary to my experience.
I got back some answers that were absolutely what I was expecting to hear, the ones that matched my own experience in the job market. People saying that when they were younger, and going for less financially rewarding jobs like fast food and call centre positions, that they hadn’t worn makeup, but now they were going for and getting more senior positions, makeup had become a necessity in job interviews. But there were also a lot of responses that  blew my assumptions clear out of the water. Dozens of women came back to me with tales of successful careers built while entirely rejecting makeup, and it has made me seriously reconsider whether I actually need to wear it to work after all. I heard from a lot of women who don’t ever wear makeup, and so had never considered that it might be necessary for a job interview, and it hadn’t held them back one bit. There were also responses from people that challenged my idea that “all women” think wearing makeup to job interviews is inherently unfair - some women put forward the opinion that it was ridiculous not to wear makeup to an interview, that I was just part of a workplace dress code, and no more oppressive than requiring you to wear closed shoes. One person put forward the idea that appearance was the biggest advantage women have in an interview situation, and you're an idiot not to use all the tools at your disposal to look as good as you can. Moreover, someone else suggested that considering the many studies proving that men are better at talking themselves up, and get better results when they do, it's only fair for women to use their natural advantage. Some women said they just enjoy making themselves up, that it made them feel confident, beautiful, and capable, so why wouldn't they for an interview? 
 
While I gathered a lot of information, I don’t really have a great many concrete conclusions to draw from it – this was such a casual study that trying to draw any definitive facts out of it would be ridiculous. However, I did discover that if you are against wearing makeup enough that you don’t feel like you could do it for an interview, it seems like the public service is the place for you. I’m pretty curious as to how this culture has come about, as opposed to the private sector where once your business hits a certain size, it does seem to be largely assumed the women will wear makeup. Nursing also seems to be relatively makeup free, although my anedata suggests this is changing and the younger generation of nurses are much more likely to “put on a bit of face”. Personally, I think I would need a little lipstick or a nice hair bow or SOMETHING to make me feel better after twelve hours of cleaning up other people’s puke, but that’s just my guess as to why it’s becoming more prevalent. On the other hand, advertising and PR seem to be industries where makeup is a requirement, and probably a fair bit of it. One source told me she’d been to twelve interviews makeup free in a row, and on the next one she wore makeup to see if it made a difference. This time she got the job. She’s an enormously experienced, confident, intelligent candidate, so while correlation is not causation, it seems like a pretty strong indicator that wearing makeup in these industries is not a choice for women. 

Not an accurate depiction of the nursing profession

I wasn't annoyed to by the information I gathered that conflicted with my own experience - I was delighted. I've long believed that if you only surround yourself with people whose views match your own, your social interactions just turn into a massive circle jerk. Besides if I only ever listened to people who entirely agree with me I would be listening to a recording of my own voice all the time.
I actually don't entirely agree with either end of the spectrum of responses I got. As with so many things my opinion is somewhere in the middle. I will continue to wear makeup to job interviews, because I think it gives me an advantage that outweighs my other disadvantages. But  I'm delighted to learn that women who fucking hate makeup and refuse to wear it have the option to do so and be successful. I’m also pleased that there are other women out there who don’t like wearing makeup, but are happy to do it for the sake of getting a job, that I’m not some massive traitor for doing so. I’m pleased to learn there are other confident, self assured women who enjoy wearing makeup as a bit of fun, just as I do.  
 
But I didn’t ask the question in order to try and form some sort of declarable conclusion - it's the discussion that fires me up. The fascinating influx of information I wouldn't have gotten otherwise, the viewpoints I had never considered. I didn’t exclude or dismiss the women who disagreed with me - I thanked them for their contribution, and added their anecdata to my research. I looked at ALL the answers I had gotten before trying to reach any sort of conclusion. If anything, I wish my question had been able to get out to a more varied sample of women. I feel like the more points of view I can get on something, the closer I can get to something like truth. 

However, I think we need to accept there is no such thing as one truth for all women. Caitlin Moran has been copping a lot of flak lately for some decidedly non-intersectionalist views she put forward in her book, "How To Be A Woman", and I think she deserves to be questioned about them. Her dismissal of pole dancers claim to feminism particularly got up my nose. But I also think she had an excellent point when she rebutted these arguments by pointing out that she never wanted to be a spokesperson for ALL women. As trans and whorephobic as she is, she's right about this. No one woman can speak for all women - there is simply too much variety in experience and situation for this to ever work. I have only ever worked in the private sector, so I’m not going to presume to tell women who have only worked in the public sector what they can and can’t do at work. Instead of only listening to ourselves and those who agree with us, how about we stop for a minute and have a listen to other women's truths, whether we agree with them or not? I want to encourage a conversation within feminism -  with this blog, I want to draw together the people who think lipstick is oppressive, and the people who never wear pants, and get them talking. It’s only a little topic in the grand scheme of things, I know, but it’s what I can do.

Not a feminist, not particularly surprising.

I think that infighting and "oppression olympics" (a style of arguing where everyone else's experience is invalid because no-one has ever had it as hard as you) within the feminism community is totally counterproductive, and has lead to the rise in younger women rejecting the title of feminist altogether. I think we need to not only tolerate dissenting voices, but really consider what they have to say. When a woman - ANY woman - says, “Don’t call me that,” your response should be simple - stop, listen, and then don’t call them that. Don’t tell them to get over it because you don’t understand why they’re upset. Try and understand why they’re upset. Ask questions. Listen. Maybe they are picking fights for no reason, or as we on the internet say, troll-lol-lol-ing. But maybe they have an objection based on a point of view you hadn’t considered. When this culture of dismissing the unfamiliar extends to a situation where people like Julie Birchall feel free to write out-and-out hate speech addressed at trans women just because they asked a friend of hers not to say things that made them feel like shit, feminism has a serious fucking problem.

Other people with much more experience than me have discussed this disgusting situation elsewhere, so I will make my analysis short. This "war" started because Suzanne Moore wrote a column in which she made what I feel are some excellent points about the state of feminism currently, but also included an off-the-cuff dig at trans women. They understandably asked if she could not use that word next time. Instead of taking a minute to listen to them, she launched into a series of justifications for her language, and then her BFF dogpiled on and said these women should be grateful that they weren't called worse.(Serious trigger warnings on this link, BTW. It's some hateful, vicious stuff.) All it would have taken is for Moore to stop, listen, think, and then say "Hey, sorry about that. I didn't realise my word choice was so hurtful. I won't use it in future." That's it. Instead of complaining that no-one saw the point she was trying to make past her use of a word they found really upsetting, she needed to deal with the fact that she made a mistake. But she wouldn't. And now it's a shit fight, becoming more vicious every day, all because she simply refused to listen to experiences other than her own.

Image from xojane

I am honestly baffled by her reaction - I've been wrong before. I've fucked up. I've said and thought things that were based entirely on my own experience that, as it turns out, were totally wrong. For example, when I first went into the sex industry I didn't realise some sex workers had a problem with people who were not sex workers using the word hooker. I heard them calling each other that, and thought it was okay to do it myself. When I was asked not to, I asked why. The workers I spoke to explained that it was their word for each other, and they didn't feel I had the right to use it. I didn't tell them I would say what I wanted because there was nothing wrong with the word from my point of view. I didn't tell them to get the fuck over it because other women have bigger problems. I apologised, and referred to them as sex workers or working girls from them on. I just cannot grasp why Moore couldn't just own her poor choice of words, apologise, and then not fucking do it again. It's not rocket science. 

Don't be this guy

There are so many questions to be asked of so many different women with so many different experiences, and I sometimes I feel like I'm the only one who actually wants to hear what everyone has to say. If I can take the time to stop, collaborate and listen on a topic as relatively minor as whether to wear makeup to work, then I really feel like more prominent voices than mine can take the time to listen to other women about crucial, life changing stuff. While the internet has been an incredible boon in terms of finding allies, it also means we have an unprecedented ability to limit the number of dissenting opinions we hear and engage with. All too easily your Twitter feed can become the psychological equivalent of a manky hotel room somewhere in nothing but socks on to protect your feet from the sticky floor. And if that's your thing, well, I suppose go for it. But I would prefer my social world to be more like a great big party - some people are arguing, some people are getting it on, some people are just enjoying each others company. Will you come to my party and at least have a drink with us?

*neurotypical refers to anyone with a "normal" brain, ie no discernible emotional, mental, or learning disorder - non-neurotypical is everyone else. 

So, You Have To Wear Makeup - Part 1

There are certain situations in which even the most reluctant of femmes needs to pull out the old mascara and “girl up”. It might be that your sister is getting married, and your mother specifically emails you to tell you not to wear “all the stuff around your eyes, like you always do.” It might be that you’re meeting your partner’s parents and they are super conservative and you want to convince them you’re not leading their spawn astray. But the most common, the most inescapable, is the job interview.

Situation: The Job Interview

Before we get down to nuts and bolts, I just want to say that I think it’s total bullshit that if you identify as female, you’re expected to wear makeup in the workplace. It’s a ridiculous patriarchal double standard, and I think the world would be a much better place if it was stamped out. But it hasn’t been. As much as these guys would like to tell you, it's not actually a feminist utopia out there. Potential employers might not be able to legally deem you unfit for a job because you don't wear makeup, but there is an expectation that you will, and plenty of alternate reasons to shove the blame under when it comes to turning you down if you don't.

Centrelink gives you the option of ramen or rice for dinner.

I also have a couple of caveats for this guide - firstly, I'm aware that when looking for a job I’m coming from a position of enormous privilege. I’m white, educated, literate, and financially stable enough to buy decent clothes for an interview. I am also lucky enough to live in a country that actually has a (mostly) functioning social security system that offers payments for unemployed people. It’s not a lot, and it’s not sustainable in the long term, but it’s enough that I don’t have to take any job at all that comes my way. I put this guide together from my position of privilege, so the advice herein might not to be applicable to those who can't afford to be as choosy as I can. I think that if you’re not in my situation, if you have to take whatever job you can find, then by all means do so without shame. If you have to compromise your feminist principles for money to pay your rent, then do what you have to do and hold your head high.

Crazy too!

Secondly, I also know I have two choices when it comes to the inherently unfair appearance expectations on women in the workplace. I can come at the corporate world head on, and tackle that shit. I can fight every inch of the way for recognition that my makeup does not reflect my work ethic, and by fighting hard enough perhaps make it easier for other people. But I choose to approach the issue in a less confrontational, although possibly less effective, way, and hopefully still be able to make it a little easier for others in my own way. As a person with a mental illness, and quite visible self harm scars, with big gaps in my resume, as well as being fat, queer, poly and a sex worker supporter (none of which I choose to hide,even if I could) I figure employers already have enough reasons to turn me down, and I can meet them halfway on at least one thing. I have decided to go along with this ridiculous makeup expectation to a certain extent for the simple reason that I would prove nothing to anyone by starving. I tried avoiding jobs that required “professional” dress for a long time, and still won't apply for anything that requires "corporate" dress. I can deal with a lot of downsides in a job, but if I can’t feel at least a little like myself I get horribly depressed, and will inevitably end up losing the job anyway.

You might feel like wearing makeup at all is too much of a compromise, that it will change you. I can't promise you that it won't - what will and won't affect your sense of self is something only you can decide. But I can tell you that when I started this whole femme adventure I was deeply concerned it would change who I was. Make me more superficial, more petulant, stupider, less well informed as to the world around me. That it would make me too inwards focused, that I would become someone I didn't recognise. In my ignorance, these are the qualities I associated with women who were "into makeup". I also have to tell you that this hasn't happened. At all. If anything, tinkering with the things I consider "me" has given me a stronger, more coherent sense of self. Getting to know people in the beauty blogging community has made me realise how unfair and totally wrong my assumptions about "girly girls" were. Wearing makeup to work every day has made me feel more professional, and take a more professional, assertive attitude to my job. Thinking about the reasons why I wear makeup, and why it makes me feel good, has given me a much clearer idea of what makes me tick - what things pump me up, and what things bring me down. But that's just my experience. Your experience might be totally different, and that's absolutely valid. If you're dead against wearing makeup at all, ever, then this probably isn't the blog for you, and definitely not the makeup guide for you. I doubt I could, or even really should change your mind.

It's not like there aren't jobs out there that don't require makeup - I did a lot of them for a long time. There are a bunch of small businesses out there that don’t care what you wear so long as you can do your job, and you don’t mind getting paid below market wages. But those small businesses unfortunately also have a habit of going under, and taking your career with them. Even if you're not working for a small business, the departments of large businesses that allow you to dress how you want tend to shed staff as frequently as I shed skin. You could certainly run your own business - I tried that too. But let’s assume for this guide that you’re where I was about two years ago – you love jobs where you can go to work in your Converse even when it’s not Casual Friday, but if you hear the words, “You’re great at what you do, but we just can’t afford to keep you” one more time you’re going to puke. You have the skills to GET a job, but your choice of workplace is making it almost impossible for you to keep a job for any significant length of time.  You're sick of being on the jobhunt AGAIN, and sick of having to face yet another round of time-wasting recruitment agency appointments. You've tried running your own business in between jobs, and found that it's just not for you. You're running out of options if you ever want financial stability.

It’s time for a Real Job.
A job that pays market wages. A job with annual leave. A job where you have to do annual productivity reviews. A job that won't have to let you go again in six months time because a client didn't renew their contract. The Holy Grail of job searches.

Unfortunately, I am yet to come across a Real Job that doesn't requires at least a minimum of makeup for people who identify as female. (There are some exceptions to this, but they tend to be in highly specialised areas like programming, science, medicine, etc) But if you’re anything like me, you also don’t want to get yourself into a situation where you’re expected to wear full on makeup every single day. So how do you manage the employers expectations and make sure they align with what you're willing to do, in the fifteen minutes it takes for them to interview you, while at the same time as convincing them they absolutely must hire you?

I could not pull off this much makeup even once,
let alone every day.

Over many, MANY interviews, I have put together a "recipe" for a makeup look that says, “I am willing to work within your expectations, but I’ll be damned if I’m going to wear foundation every single day.” Just as with your outfit, your makeup should be a little bit fancier than what you would wear every day, but not so fancy they expect a level of presentation you can't/don't want to keep up.Wearing Paris Hilton level makeup every day is simply not something I could do without losing my sense of self (or my mind), but I will put on the bare minimum, and I want a potential employer to understand that. If I show up for the interview in this makeup "recipe" I have concocted, I know from experience that if I get hired, my employers are willing to deal with what I'm willing to wear on a day to day basis.

If you have a friend you can borrow the products required from, that’s awesome. If not, my recommendations are based on getting the best bang for your measly buck. If you’re going to a job interview, I’m going to go ahead and make the assumption you don’t have a ton of cash to throw around. You can get really, really cheap makeup – but in some cases it’s a total waste of time and money. This guide is designed to tell you where you can scrimp, and where you shouldn’t, based off my experience of throwing good money after bad in my lust for a bargain.

Stay tuned tomorrow for the nitty gritty of what you will need!