It's a deep blue jelly, crammed full of teeeny tiny blue sparkles, and looks absolutely amazing on. Pretty Serious have a great formula for their polishes, and this went on much more smoothly than I was expecting for something crammed full of sparkle. It also dries gloriously smooth and shiny - so much so you could get away without a topcoat on this if you wanted.
Friday, March 29, 2013
Nerds Worst Nightmare - BSOD Pretty Serious Review
I'm not going to lie - when I saw that Pretty Serious had a shade of nail polish called BSOD, named after the infamous Blue Screen of Death, I was ALWAYS going to buy it regardless of how good or bad it actually was. I am an enormous sucker for crossover between my nerd half and my beauty obsessed half - but as it turns out, I would have loved this polish no matter what it was called.
It's a deep blue jelly, crammed full of teeeny tiny blue sparkles, and looks absolutely amazing on. Pretty Serious have a great formula for their polishes, and this went on much more smoothly than I was expecting for something crammed full of sparkle. It also dries gloriously smooth and shiny - so much so you could get away without a topcoat on this if you wanted.
I was completely blown away when I took this baby outside - the sparkles just jump right out, and your nails appear to glow from the inside.
It's a deep blue jelly, crammed full of teeeny tiny blue sparkles, and looks absolutely amazing on. Pretty Serious have a great formula for their polishes, and this went on much more smoothly than I was expecting for something crammed full of sparkle. It also dries gloriously smooth and shiny - so much so you could get away without a topcoat on this if you wanted.
Labels:
Aussie Nails,
Geeky,
Nerd Love,
On My Hands,
Pretty Serious,
Review
Wednesday, March 27, 2013
Hey Girl...
I’m always scouting around for new places to be published, and a very kind Twitter acquaintance offered me the details of someone looking for same sex attracted female writers to blog for a prominent local queer publication. Exciting right?
Well, yes and no. I am definitely same sex attracted. Women are GREAT. But there is also a great fear I have of being rejected for not being queer ENOUGH – the same fear that stops me from attending local queer events. I’m afraid that I won’t really have anything of relevance to say on the subject, because while I AM queer, I’m not particularly active about that queerness right now. For all the time I spend ogling pretty ladies like a fifteen year old boy, I haven’t actually done anything with a woman for AGES (like a fifteen year old boy), and haven’t ever had a long term relationship with another woman as such (like a fifteen year old boy). I’m failing pretty badly at queer right now. Incidentally, this is largely why I haven’t written more specifically about my queerness here, and generally limit my discussions of sexuality to heterosexual relationships. It’s not that I don’t have squishy feelings about women, and don’t wonder how the things I write about relate to same sex interactions - I just don’t have a great deal of experience with same sex relationships, and so I feel self-conscious talking about it.
Well, yes and no. I am definitely same sex attracted. Women are GREAT. But there is also a great fear I have of being rejected for not being queer ENOUGH – the same fear that stops me from attending local queer events. I’m afraid that I won’t really have anything of relevance to say on the subject, because while I AM queer, I’m not particularly active about that queerness right now. For all the time I spend ogling pretty ladies like a fifteen year old boy, I haven’t actually done anything with a woman for AGES (like a fifteen year old boy), and haven’t ever had a long term relationship with another woman as such (like a fifteen year old boy). I’m failing pretty badly at queer right now. Incidentally, this is largely why I haven’t written more specifically about my queerness here, and generally limit my discussions of sexuality to heterosexual relationships. It’s not that I don’t have squishy feelings about women, and don’t wonder how the things I write about relate to same sex interactions - I just don’t have a great deal of experience with same sex relationships, and so I feel self-conscious talking about it.
Labels:
Blogging,
Crazy Talk,
Feminism,
In My Head,
Sexuality
Tuesday, March 26, 2013
Little Things
My eyeshadow came out exactly how I wanted it to today.
Some days this is more important than others. Some days, my brain works like everyone else. It reacts in predictable, acceptable ways. Someone says something funny, and I laugh. Someone annoys me, and I make a little clucking noise under my tounge, but the annoyance slips away in a moment or two. Some days I can hear compliments and take them for exactly what they are. Today is not one of those days.
Some days this is more important than others. Some days, my brain works like everyone else. It reacts in predictable, acceptable ways. Someone says something funny, and I laugh. Someone annoys me, and I make a little clucking noise under my tounge, but the annoyance slips away in a moment or two. Some days I can hear compliments and take them for exactly what they are. Today is not one of those days.
Monday, March 25, 2013
Ariadne and The Minotaur Nail Art
A little while ago Shades of Phoenix announced they were having a nail art challenge on Instagram. I don't usually take part in nail art challenges because the competition is CRAZY, but since this one had the theme of Greek mythology, I couldn't possibly resist.
I decided to attempt to portray the story of Theseus and the Minotaur - particularly the part where Ariadne saves Theseus from certain death, and gets little to no credit for it. If you haven't heard the story before, here's a quick and dirty version.
| Mythology is my jam |
Labels:
A England,
Mythology/Folklore,
nail art,
On My Hands,
OPI,
Shades of Phoenix
Friday, March 22, 2013
Ask A Brothel Receptionist - Part 3
You might remember I did two previous posts here and here, relating the most commonly asked questions I was faced with when I was working brothel reception. At the end, I put a shout out for you all to hit me with the questions you would like answered. I wanted to give you all some time to come up with some questions, but since there wasn't a great rush of them I thought I would just chug on through and answer the ones that have been put to me. In no particular order, here they are!
What is the gender ratio of clients?
I imagine this fluctuates from place to place, and would also be different depending on what services you were offering. I worked in two different types of parlours; massage parlours, where full sex was not allowed by the house rules and hand relief was the primary sexual service on offer, and full service parlours, where full sex is allowed. In the "massage" parlours I worked in, the clients were maybe 95% male. Women did come in, both with partners and solo - not so infrequently that anyone freaked out, but not what I would call frequently. Something I did find curious is that while I did meet a couple of openly queer working girls, the women who came into the parlours never seemed to pick them. In the full service parlours I worked at, the clients were 100% male. I know from the other receptionists there that male clients did bring their female partners in very occasionally, but I never saw it when I happened to be behind the desk.
What security precautions do brothels take to keep their
employees safe?
I don't really want to start off every answer with, "It depends on where you work," but the sex industry really is such a varied place it's a pretty useful caveat no matter what question I'm answering. The security situation in particular was VERY varied at the different places I worked. One place had no security whatsoever, apart from a baseball bat under the desk and a fake security company number pinned to the wall where the clients could see it. It's probably not surprising this was the place I had the most unsafe experiences. This is the place where I had to talk the angry, coked up asshole out the door, and also where a disgruntled client threw a brick through the window after storming out in a huff. Other places had much better security arrangements - one had an arrangement with the bouncer at the pub on the corner of the block, that we could call him if we ever needed someone large and intimidating to sort a situation out. Another one actually had a proper alarm system, complete with personal duress alarms and code words we had to repeat back to an operator if we were open later than expected. That place also provided a large, muscular gentleman of indeterminate employment status to walk the workers to their cars or a taxi, and then walk the receptionist to a taxi. That was about as comprehensive as the security ever got at the places I worked. I did interview for a much higher end place that had a really serious security system including coded locks and full time on site security, but I didn't end up working there.
How in practice do sex workers make a decision about whether
or not to see a client? Do they get to look at them first?
While this is a great question, unfortunately I can't really answer it, since I've never actually been a sex worker. I can certainly answer the second part though! Every place I worked had a myriad array of security cameras, for a myriad array of reasons. The receptionists used them to keep an eye on the girls, and the clients, and anyone that might be lurking outside the front and back doors (almost every parlour has a rear entrance, for clients who don't want to be seen going in off the street). The girls used them to get a peek at the clients before they introduced themselves. Three out of the four parlours I worked in had the same introduction system - the client would be shown into the parlour by me, and settled in a private room. I would then go back to the girl's lounge room, and round them all up from whatever they had been doing. They could take a look at the camera before they decided to go in, and more than once I had a girl turn down an introduction because she wasn't absolutely certain she didn't know the client from somewhere. They would also use the camera to identify previous clients - there were times when they would fill me in on something dodgy the client had tried to pull last time he had been there so I could ensure he didn't try it again, and times when they all got excited because the client was notoriously pleasant. Once they'd touched everything up, the girls would then go in one by one to introduce themselves and give a little spiel. Once they had all had a turn, I would go in and see who the client would like to see, take the money, and then the girl would take him to a service room.
One place I worked had a very different system though, because they were selling themselves as a gentlemen's club rather than a parlour as such. You know, somewhere you would go and play some pool, drink some dreadfully watered down complimentary drinks, and maybe HAPPEN to go upstairs and get a handjob in a spa from a girl who might CO-INCIDENTALLY get paid for this. In order to support this illusion, the reception staff were encouraged to let the clients chill in the lounge for as long as they wanted, and the girls were encouraged to "mingle" until the client made up his mind. It was much more similar to the style of parlour shown in US shows like Cathouse than anywhere else I worked in Sydney. Personally, I hated this system for a number of reasons. Firstly, the girls didn't have any way of getting a look at the client's before they went out on the floor, which was at best awkward and at worst downright dangerous should some of the girls have been caught by family members. Secondly, it encouraged the clients to take up as much of the girls time, and of mine, for free, before making a decision, which gets enormously tedious really really quickly. It also encouraged a situation where the girls were forced to directly compete with each other for clients, and often the loudest and pushiest would win out. Introducing the girls one by one is not only more efficient in terms of getting the money out of the client quickly and easily, it's also a hell of a lot fairer - IMHO. I'm by no means an expert, that's just my opinion from the experience I've had.
Will they employ over 50, or do they just want young and pretty faces?
There are exceptions, but generally the managers of parlours are looking for relatively young,well presented receptionists - and they are always, ALWAYS female. The thing is though, you can't be TOO young (I got turned down a number of times for looking too young) or too pretty, as a lot of managers feel this is a sure sign you'll jump the desk. Then they'll have to find and train another receptionist, and the staff turnover at parlours is pretty high at the best of times. I think it is also a little more difficult to keep control of the clients if you look too young - they don't take you as seriously. But too old, and it can apparently turn the clients off. However, there are parlours specifically catering to clients looking for older sex workers, and I imagine those parlours would be quite happy with older receptionists.
What was your favourite thing about your time there?
Honestly, this could probably be an entire post on it's own. There were many, many aspects of the job I loved, even apart from the independence and power that I've spoken about previously. But the short answer to this question is the feeling of co-conspiracy I shared with the sex workers. We were all involved in something that polite society says is icky, and a lot of the time this created a real sense of bonding between us all - it was us against the outside world. It wasn't always like that, of course. Every job has shitty days, where you hate everyone, and those days there was no sense of solidarity whatsoever. But the days where I could feel it, that we were all on the same side? I've never felt that in any other job, ever, and in hindsight it was one of the most rewarding things about it.
How do you put that time down on your resume after you've
moved on?
Ahahaha, oh dear. This is the part where I REALLY hope none of my employers since then have come across my blog yet. How do I put down the time I spent in the sex industry on my resume? In short, I lied. I thought of a job that would entail the same basic skills as I gained working in parlours, gave the cover story to my boss at the last parlour I worked in, and he agreed to give me a fake reference.Well, fake as in it was a reference for a job I technically never held, for a company that technically doesn't exist, but he insisted he wouldn't say I had any skills or experience I didn't, which I was totally fine with. As far as I know, most other former receptionists do the same. I said I was the Office Manager for an import/export business dealing largely in giftware (to account for seasonal fluctuations in profit, which is why I was looking for a new job), and that this job gave me experience with meeting tight deadlines, ordering processes, cash handling, building and maintaining client relationships, creating marketing campaigns, and handling multiple fluctuating priorities - and everyone was impressed. If I had said I was Office Manager for a full service parlour, where I was in charge of rostering both sex workers and receptionists, managing clients, keeping sufficient quantities of all stock on site at all times, placing our advertising, maintaining our website, and making sure the books all balanced at the end of the day, people would have freaked out. So I dressed the skills I gained in a cloak of respectability, and then used what I have to make a living out here in the mainstream world.
So that's it for today my dears! I hope you all learned something. If you have a question you're still sitting on, please feel free to pop it through to me, and if I get enough I'll do a follow up soon.
What is the gender ratio of clients?
I imagine this fluctuates from place to place, and would also be different depending on what services you were offering. I worked in two different types of parlours; massage parlours, where full sex was not allowed by the house rules and hand relief was the primary sexual service on offer, and full service parlours, where full sex is allowed. In the "massage" parlours I worked in, the clients were maybe 95% male. Women did come in, both with partners and solo - not so infrequently that anyone freaked out, but not what I would call frequently. Something I did find curious is that while I did meet a couple of openly queer working girls, the women who came into the parlours never seemed to pick them. In the full service parlours I worked at, the clients were 100% male. I know from the other receptionists there that male clients did bring their female partners in very occasionally, but I never saw it when I happened to be behind the desk.
![]() |
| An appallingly unscientific representation of pure anecdata |
I don't really want to start off every answer with, "It depends on where you work," but the sex industry really is such a varied place it's a pretty useful caveat no matter what question I'm answering. The security situation in particular was VERY varied at the different places I worked. One place had no security whatsoever, apart from a baseball bat under the desk and a fake security company number pinned to the wall where the clients could see it. It's probably not surprising this was the place I had the most unsafe experiences. This is the place where I had to talk the angry, coked up asshole out the door, and also where a disgruntled client threw a brick through the window after storming out in a huff. Other places had much better security arrangements - one had an arrangement with the bouncer at the pub on the corner of the block, that we could call him if we ever needed someone large and intimidating to sort a situation out. Another one actually had a proper alarm system, complete with personal duress alarms and code words we had to repeat back to an operator if we were open later than expected. That place also provided a large, muscular gentleman of indeterminate employment status to walk the workers to their cars or a taxi, and then walk the receptionist to a taxi. That was about as comprehensive as the security ever got at the places I worked. I did interview for a much higher end place that had a really serious security system including coded locks and full time on site security, but I didn't end up working there.
| FYI, I never had to use the bat. |
While this is a great question, unfortunately I can't really answer it, since I've never actually been a sex worker. I can certainly answer the second part though! Every place I worked had a myriad array of security cameras, for a myriad array of reasons. The receptionists used them to keep an eye on the girls, and the clients, and anyone that might be lurking outside the front and back doors (almost every parlour has a rear entrance, for clients who don't want to be seen going in off the street). The girls used them to get a peek at the clients before they introduced themselves. Three out of the four parlours I worked in had the same introduction system - the client would be shown into the parlour by me, and settled in a private room. I would then go back to the girl's lounge room, and round them all up from whatever they had been doing. They could take a look at the camera before they decided to go in, and more than once I had a girl turn down an introduction because she wasn't absolutely certain she didn't know the client from somewhere. They would also use the camera to identify previous clients - there were times when they would fill me in on something dodgy the client had tried to pull last time he had been there so I could ensure he didn't try it again, and times when they all got excited because the client was notoriously pleasant. Once they'd touched everything up, the girls would then go in one by one to introduce themselves and give a little spiel. Once they had all had a turn, I would go in and see who the client would like to see, take the money, and then the girl would take him to a service room.
One place I worked had a very different system though, because they were selling themselves as a gentlemen's club rather than a parlour as such. You know, somewhere you would go and play some pool, drink some dreadfully watered down complimentary drinks, and maybe HAPPEN to go upstairs and get a handjob in a spa from a girl who might CO-INCIDENTALLY get paid for this. In order to support this illusion, the reception staff were encouraged to let the clients chill in the lounge for as long as they wanted, and the girls were encouraged to "mingle" until the client made up his mind. It was much more similar to the style of parlour shown in US shows like Cathouse than anywhere else I worked in Sydney. Personally, I hated this system for a number of reasons. Firstly, the girls didn't have any way of getting a look at the client's before they went out on the floor, which was at best awkward and at worst downright dangerous should some of the girls have been caught by family members. Secondly, it encouraged the clients to take up as much of the girls time, and of mine, for free, before making a decision, which gets enormously tedious really really quickly. It also encouraged a situation where the girls were forced to directly compete with each other for clients, and often the loudest and pushiest would win out. Introducing the girls one by one is not only more efficient in terms of getting the money out of the client quickly and easily, it's also a hell of a lot fairer - IMHO. I'm by no means an expert, that's just my opinion from the experience I've had.
Will they employ over 50, or do they just want young and pretty faces?
There are exceptions, but generally the managers of parlours are looking for relatively young,well presented receptionists - and they are always, ALWAYS female. The thing is though, you can't be TOO young (I got turned down a number of times for looking too young) or too pretty, as a lot of managers feel this is a sure sign you'll jump the desk. Then they'll have to find and train another receptionist, and the staff turnover at parlours is pretty high at the best of times. I think it is also a little more difficult to keep control of the clients if you look too young - they don't take you as seriously. But too old, and it can apparently turn the clients off. However, there are parlours specifically catering to clients looking for older sex workers, and I imagine those parlours would be quite happy with older receptionists.
| MILF's make money too! |
Honestly, this could probably be an entire post on it's own. There were many, many aspects of the job I loved, even apart from the independence and power that I've spoken about previously. But the short answer to this question is the feeling of co-conspiracy I shared with the sex workers. We were all involved in something that polite society says is icky, and a lot of the time this created a real sense of bonding between us all - it was us against the outside world. It wasn't always like that, of course. Every job has shitty days, where you hate everyone, and those days there was no sense of solidarity whatsoever. But the days where I could feel it, that we were all on the same side? I've never felt that in any other job, ever, and in hindsight it was one of the most rewarding things about it.
| All together now...Awwwwwwwww! |
Ahahaha, oh dear. This is the part where I REALLY hope none of my employers since then have come across my blog yet. How do I put down the time I spent in the sex industry on my resume? In short, I lied. I thought of a job that would entail the same basic skills as I gained working in parlours, gave the cover story to my boss at the last parlour I worked in, and he agreed to give me a fake reference.Well, fake as in it was a reference for a job I technically never held, for a company that technically doesn't exist, but he insisted he wouldn't say I had any skills or experience I didn't, which I was totally fine with. As far as I know, most other former receptionists do the same. I said I was the Office Manager for an import/export business dealing largely in giftware (to account for seasonal fluctuations in profit, which is why I was looking for a new job), and that this job gave me experience with meeting tight deadlines, ordering processes, cash handling, building and maintaining client relationships, creating marketing campaigns, and handling multiple fluctuating priorities - and everyone was impressed. If I had said I was Office Manager for a full service parlour, where I was in charge of rostering both sex workers and receptionists, managing clients, keeping sufficient quantities of all stock on site at all times, placing our advertising, maintaining our website, and making sure the books all balanced at the end of the day, people would have freaked out. So I dressed the skills I gained in a cloak of respectability, and then used what I have to make a living out here in the mainstream world.
| I've certainly never put my hand in a puddle of congealed semen while doing laundry in the middle of the night, no siree! |
Thursday, March 21, 2013
Love Thy Polish - I Sure Do!
This blog has been very thinky this week, so I want to break it up with some pretty pictures before continuing my series.
Today I have yet another marvelous Australian indie polish maker to show you - I don't know what's in the water here, but we really do have some of the most talented creators! Love Thy Polish is run by Em, who blogs about polish over at Nails In The Desert, and she has a wonderful variety of different styles of polish in her Etsy shop - but you guys know me, I went straight for the glitters!
First up is a beautifully delicate white and purple glitter called Miss Bossy Pants - this immediately reminded me of my little sister, since she was the bossiest little child you could possibly imagine. She didn't seem to find this as funny as I did, so I think I'll have to get her a bottle for her birthday.
ANYWAY, the polish is gorgeous. It's quite transparent, so you could layer it over just about any colour you like. Em reccomends layering it over purple, so I put it over my trust Illamasqua Baptise.
Second up is one called Drained, a dark vampy red-black jelly with tons of red micro glitter packed in. Out of habit more than anything else, I layered it over black first.
I was really happy with these results, and spent the next two days wiggling my fingers under every available light source to make the red flecks spark in the deep, dark base. When I came back to it later, I thought I'd try a red base just for something different. And WOW, I just fell in love. I haven't loved a red polish this much since I first got OPI I'm Not Really A Waitress, which is incidentally what I layered Drained over this time.
The dark pigments in the jelly base tone down the brightness of the red, making it a little bit more vampy, and the glitter just GLOWS in this combination. I'm just annoyed I only got a mini bottle of this one!
You can pick yourself up some Miss Bossy Pants, or Drained, or any of the other beautiful colours Love Thy Polish carry at their Etsy store.
Today I have yet another marvelous Australian indie polish maker to show you - I don't know what's in the water here, but we really do have some of the most talented creators! Love Thy Polish is run by Em, who blogs about polish over at Nails In The Desert, and she has a wonderful variety of different styles of polish in her Etsy shop - but you guys know me, I went straight for the glitters!
First up is a beautifully delicate white and purple glitter called Miss Bossy Pants - this immediately reminded me of my little sister, since she was the bossiest little child you could possibly imagine. She didn't seem to find this as funny as I did, so I think I'll have to get her a bottle for her birthday.
ANYWAY, the polish is gorgeous. It's quite transparent, so you could layer it over just about any colour you like. Em reccomends layering it over purple, so I put it over my trust Illamasqua Baptise.
Second up is one called Drained, a dark vampy red-black jelly with tons of red micro glitter packed in. Out of habit more than anything else, I layered it over black first.
I was really happy with these results, and spent the next two days wiggling my fingers under every available light source to make the red flecks spark in the deep, dark base. When I came back to it later, I thought I'd try a red base just for something different. And WOW, I just fell in love. I haven't loved a red polish this much since I first got OPI I'm Not Really A Waitress, which is incidentally what I layered Drained over this time.
The dark pigments in the jelly base tone down the brightness of the red, making it a little bit more vampy, and the glitter just GLOWS in this combination. I'm just annoyed I only got a mini bottle of this one!
You can pick yourself up some Miss Bossy Pants, or Drained, or any of the other beautiful colours Love Thy Polish carry at their Etsy store.
Labels:
Illamasqua,
Love Thy Polish,
On My Hands,
OPI,
Review
Tuesday, March 19, 2013
Ask A Brothel Receptionist - Part 2
After my small broadcast break yesterday to rant about the disgraceful situation in Stuebenville, it's back on the bandwagon for my Ask A Brothel Receptionist series! If you missed Part 1, it's right HERE. Remember, I'm hoping to do a third post for this in which I answer questions from you guys - but in order to this, I'm gonna need questions! Please feel free to leave questions as comments here, or email me. Serious, silly, whatever you want to know I'm happy to answer. (Keep in mind this blog does allow anonymous commenting, if you're feeling weird about a question you want to ask being attached to your name).
ANYWAY, back to the Top 6 questions I used to get asked about my job...
4. Well, I've never seen a sex worker. How pathetic are people who have to pay for sex? Don't you just hate them?
Okay, so this one isn't so much a question as a statement I heard over and over again. And while admittedly, the clients could drive me nuts sometimes, they were also paying my wage, so they got at least a little bit of my protectiveness as well. Clients aren't assholes - assholes are assholes, whether they see sex workers or not. Some of the clients were also assholes, but some of them weren't. Reception at a brothel is, in the end, customer service, and sometimes customers fucking suck. Sometimes they ask for outrageous things that you can't possibly give them, and then get angry when their whims can't be met. Sometimes customers insist they "never pay full price" and haggle for half an hour to try and get a 5% saving. These are things that happen to anyone in customer service anywhere - it was just the nature of the requests that were different. I'd never been asked before if someone could bring in a bucket of pigs blood before (the answer was no, by the way), but then until my current job I'd never had to source extendable batons before either. The clients were no more or less pathetic than the general public, because they ARE just the general public.
ANYWAY, back to the Top 6 questions I used to get asked about my job...
4. Well, I've never seen a sex worker. How pathetic are people who have to pay for sex? Don't you just hate them?
Okay, so this one isn't so much a question as a statement I heard over and over again. And while admittedly, the clients could drive me nuts sometimes, they were also paying my wage, so they got at least a little bit of my protectiveness as well. Clients aren't assholes - assholes are assholes, whether they see sex workers or not. Some of the clients were also assholes, but some of them weren't. Reception at a brothel is, in the end, customer service, and sometimes customers fucking suck. Sometimes they ask for outrageous things that you can't possibly give them, and then get angry when their whims can't be met. Sometimes customers insist they "never pay full price" and haggle for half an hour to try and get a 5% saving. These are things that happen to anyone in customer service anywhere - it was just the nature of the requests that were different. I'd never been asked before if someone could bring in a bucket of pigs blood before (the answer was no, by the way), but then until my current job I'd never had to source extendable batons before either. The clients were no more or less pathetic than the general public, because they ARE just the general public.
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